Happy Saturday everyone. :)
Hope you weekend is going well.
As you can see by my title, I am not feeling quite myself, let alone in the holiday spirt. I used to love the holidays, I have 3 families so I loved seeing everyone and getting presents. As I got older, I cared less about presents and just wanted to see my family, bake with my mom, and got excited for the new year to come.
3 years ago, Zachary proposed to me the night before Christmas Eve. I was so excited. I always knew I wanted to get married but I never knew it would be to someone I had known my entire life practically. I was also excited that we would have a baby soon and I was getting the greatest gift of all, my very OWN family.
In my mind I never thought that ours families would just disappear, however holidays in my mind were just Zachary, myself, and Hayden. I would learn how to cook so I could prepare a Christmas Eve dinner, we would each open one present together before bed on Christmas Eve, and we would read Twas the Night Before Christmas to Hayden. There would be no fighting about where we went or who was feeling left out or anything of the sort. Well I guess that is why I imagined it...
Having to deal with all this pressure has now put me totally out of the Christmas spirt to the point where I am staying home. I love my family and Zachary's family but I think sometimes that the point who we should be focusing on is not being seen. It should be about Hayden and by everyone fighting over where he will be is making it about them. I refuse to have to deal with this stress. I am working crazy hours, am a full time student, and worrying if Im going to have a break down from all the pulling in different directions. I am not opposed to anyone coming hear, I just feel that I should also get to spend time with my little family.
What do you do? They is no easy way to figure out an answer. I alone have 3 sides to my family, and Zachary also has 3 sides. Making Hayden have 6 sides to his family. 6 sides= to probably over 50 people who are making me feel guilty for wanting to stay home with MY son.
If you are new to this blog, let me just put it out there that I am a people pleaser, point blank. I have very high anxiety when I have to tell people no or when they are disappointed. Even now when writing this and thinking about how this will play out has me sobbing and nauseous.
& this not only puts pressure on me, like to the max but it also has Zachary and I fighting because we dont know what to do. And I hate it.
I know I am young but I feel like this is it, this is how the rest of my life will be. & if we ever have another child, that we will go through this all over again or one child will get more attention than the other.
How do you deal?